i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
