pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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