i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
