So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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