Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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