Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
