dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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