I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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