i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
