My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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