And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
