I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
