Welp...herpes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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