I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
