super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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