I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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