I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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