their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
