so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
