i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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