I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
