I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
