i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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