It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
