Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
