Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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