god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
