She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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