drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
