The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
