I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
