Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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