Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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