Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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