Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
