I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
