just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
