I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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