Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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