I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
