um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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