It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
