come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
