You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
