I am in a vortex of obligation.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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