im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
