GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
