i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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