I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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