I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
