we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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