Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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