Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
