They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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