theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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