just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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