And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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