Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
