I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
