I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
