Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
