the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need water and some morals
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
