he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
