i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
