I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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