I CAN MOONWALK!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I want a musical about memes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
