I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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