Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
