aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
