I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
