the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
